I Got Stuck

Stuck.

The craziness of the past two years has had me stuck in a very weird place mentally and spiritually. I think about writing blogposts but then I struggle with "why". I follow the news and have filled my brain to the brim with politics, world news, videos, articles and books. All it has served to do for me is to make me anxious, mad and honestly, a bit hopeless. 

"Does anyone really care if I decorate for the new season?" That is one of many questions I replay in my mind. "In the grand scheme of things, doesn't decorating my home seem rather bourgeoise?", I ask myself. People are losing their lives, their loved ones, their jobs, their freedoms. If I manage to muster up some creativity to make a new wreath in this out-of-my-control environment whose going to care? Why bother to decorate at all? 

Maybe, you're feeling a bit like that.  

I was stuck. But, I am a Christian. Words like anxious, mad and hopeless shouldn't be words that describe me. While I have been wallowing in these worthless attitudes far too long God has not been absent. I have been all too eager to engage in conversation with strangers and friends about current events; discussing and commiserating over temporary things that will come and go and not about what is really important-eternal things. Why? It is because of what I am allowing my mind be consumed by.  

But God....

They are my favorite two words in all the Bible! 

But God, in his Word, has told me that I am not supposed to give in to those feelings of anxiety. He speaks to me as he did to Martha, 

Luke 10:41 - But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, (Jolena, Jolena) you are anxious and troubled about many things,

Matthew 6:27 - And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?

And then he tells me how to fight that feeling and why I can let the anxiety go...

Philippians 4:4-6 - Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

I forgot, Lord. You are at hand. You are in control of everything that seems to me to be quite out of control.

I still feel mad about the images and stories I see and read, though. I wonder if people are believing things of me based on my medical standing, skin color, economic status or faith that are just not true. I look at their faces, read their comments, hear the false narratives and have conversations in my head. 

But God says...

James 3:8-9 - but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God.

Psalm 4:4 - Be angry, and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent. 

Ecclesiastes 7:9 - Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the heart of fools.

Ok, so what is at the heart of my attitude of anger? All the information and divisive rhetoric out there has planted seeds.  Am I looking at complete strangers and old friends as if they are now enemies because of what I imagine they may be thinking about me? I have inwardly questioned the motives of people I have known for decades. This took some real sole searching for me and it brought me full circle to a rather profoundly hurtful situation we experienced several years ago but this time I  am the guilty party. I am supposing the worst of people and friends! How did I let my heart go there?

Lord, help me!

Philippians 2:3b - ... in humility count others more significant than yourselves.

1 Corinthians 13:7 - Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on it's own way; it does not rejoice at wrong doing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Romans 12:10 - Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.

And, so what of feeling hopeless? As I look around I am overwhelmed like Peter, not by one colossal wave but by wave-upon-wave and I feel I cannot catch my breath. 

Lord, save me.

But God points gently shows me that I have focused on the wrong things and redirects my gaze. "Take your eyes off the waves. Look at me."

Hebrews 12:2 - looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 -So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

1 Timothy 4:10a - For to this end we toil and strive, because we have our hope set on the living God...

Uh-oh, where have I been setting my hope? On government, my country, relationships, science, feelings... I have let my mind, imagination, and heart drift away from truth. 

Psalm 42:5 - Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation. 

God has answered all my anxiety, anger and hopelessness. Today, I am anchored in God's Word and if I stay keep my eyes on him I will not drift. 

Hebrews 2:1 - Therefore we must pay much closer attention to what we have heard, lest we drift away from it.

Psalm 19:14 - Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.

Friends, as we go forward I hope to have more posts that encourage you to take your eyes from things that not within your control and trust the One who sovereignly holds it all together. 

In the meantime, go ahead-make your homes beautiful.

Open your doors to the weary and have those conversations that really matter.

Encourage one another, love one another. 

Speak truth.