Saturday, October 11, 2014

How He Cares

Today was a day of cleaning and organizing. I have been terribly disorganized since, oh, ... March! It is not an easy thing for me to be disorganized. I don't think a home-school family can function well if you are disorganized (at least I can't) and truly, I have not felt like I was doing anything well during all the chaos. The kitchen is working well and the dining room is done. I still don't know what to do with the room that used to be the dining room but it will come to me, eventually. It is time.

The room we refer to as our office had become a catch-all for anything that I wanted out of sight when someone stopped over. All my photos that I had intended to scrapbook were left in various piles in the small 10x10 room. In addition, there are school books. As home-schoolers there are school books in EVERY room of our home. You get used to it! There are paid bills, receipts and miscellaneous things that needed filing, and on and on. Mr. has his music and keyboard in there...You get the idea.

Today was a rainy day; no outdoor activities could entice me today and Mr. had been patiently pointing out the need for some organizing and editing. I do not edit well. As an ex-military brat we moved every three years and things got cleaned out because the military will only pay for so much to be shipped. You learned to let go of things. Fast forward to today. We have not moved in over a decade and I have gotten accustomed to holding on to things that I may need later. Translate: I have become a hoarder! Getting rid of things is like cutting off my arm! I had to do it though and have had some practice as we have been moving things around and cleaning things out since March. Sadly, those things I was on the fence about ended up in the office and I had to deal with them.

As I sat cleaning I came across photos of my mom. I had brought them back from her house three years ago. There were photos of when she was little, photos of when I was little, photos of when my girls were little. My mom lost her battle with breast cancer three and half years ago. When she first died my heart literally ached for her. I missed her so very much. Now, I still miss her but it does not hurt like it used to. I remember her often but do not desperately miss her every day like I used to. The profound sadness has been replaced with just a yearning to talk to her. And a hope that one day I will see her again and we will talk around the Throne of Grace. Today as I came across the pictures the ache came back. I miss talking to her and so much has happened since she left us.

She was horrified when we bought this house. She was actually crying when she first saw it; worried that we had made a horrible mistake and that the house would bankrupt us. She would be so surprised! She was my reluctant cheerleader. She could not see what I saw in this house but as she watched us work through some of the rooms she came around. Then, I couldn't stop her from talking about it!

As my memories flooded in I was overcome with thoughts of my mom. I miss her. I decided I needed a break so I went downstairs and checked my emails. I decided I should call a dear friend that has been out of town just to check on her and see when she is returning home. She lost her good friend a few months ago. (I blogged about her here.) As we talked I was encouraging her and she was encouraging me. Funny, how God's uses his children to do that. After the call I went to sit in the living room for a minute and thoughts of my mom came rushing back, again.

That is when I noticed a small postcard on the table. One of my girls had brought the mail in and laid it there. It was upside down showing only the writing. I read it and it was from the very woman I had just spoken with! That's funny, I thought.  I turned the post card over and on the front was a picture of a carousel.

When I turned 15 years old my mom took me to the expo site in Spokane, Washington. She gave me my first camera and got a sitter for the boys. We spent the day together like two girlfriends. It was the first time I had seen my mom in that light. It was just us girls! We had lunch, did some shopping then went to ride the carousel. We grabbed for the brass ring and both of us got it! It was a wonderful day and we made wonderful memories that day. The picture on the postcard was that carousel! I could not believe it! How?

My mom on the Looff Carrousel, Spokane, Washington 1979

My friend could not have possibly known about that carousel or that day thirty-five years ago that my mom and I shared and yet here was this postcard. It was a tangible gift of grace. God, no doubt, had given me this blessing. I was reminded once again that my Father in heaven knows my every thought, ache and struggle. He is intimately involved in the lives of his children. He works all things together for our good. All things. There is nothing that is out of his sovereign control. A 15 year old's birthday, a rainy day meant for cleaning, my mother, my grief, friends, old pictures, an very old carousel, and a well timed arrival of a postcard all worked together today to remind me that I am a child of the King and he cares for me. Whatever this world has to offer cannot compare to that. While I linger on this earth He is with me. While I linger I will praise him for his goodness and his tender mercies toward those he calls his own.


  1. It is amazing how you if to hear my thoughts from some 1400 miles...away...Kellie and I have moved completely to our new home...I walked out last night and looked over my pool and saw the reflection of the moon I looked up and was in awe..then thought of mom and remembering that moment one thanksgiving in Colorado while dad was gone in Korea..midnight cold new fallen snow we stopped to let Chrissy between two Mnts and in a deep valley of nothing just a straight road to Patti's parents(moms friend) no clouds no wind and the brightest moon I'd ever breath was taken held me and said don't ever forget this God is showing us something here...and I smiled..last night that same feeling came over me I looked up I asked mom are you proud of me...although I heard nothing I did feel...she is with me and us...I love you mom always missed always loved NEVER forgotten..